The Gratuitous Homage to Myspace

I have fond memories of Myspace, but its latest news of purging data is leaving me ultimately cheated, like a scorned, former lover.

I still have different versions of layouts that reigned supreme on the Myspace media of things. It was my first introduction to CSS, and I still do not understand very much of the scripting language to this day. I remember a time when I scoured the internet for really popping layouts. All I had to do was to find the one I liked, and copy the text and customize it to make it my own, so I as long as I gave credit to the designer that cleverly articulated the layout. All of these layouts are still saved on an external hard drive, so I can still use them if I prefer. CSS is a language that never went out of style, only Myspace did, but I can still relish on the good ‘ol days of glitter images and flashy, magical text.

With the latest news of Myspace’s apparent show of negligence by deleting years worth of data, I don’t believe the data was deleted by “accident.” After all, it makes sense to delete almost a decades’ worth of abandoned data, but I just wish it gave its loyal and most oldest users more advance notice. I feel vehemently cheated. Myspace hosted some priceless photos that I will never have another opportunity to search, locate, and reminisce.

The rampant negligence by Myspace is very telling: It’s a sentimental foreshadow of a certain era nearing its demise. I strongly believe it won’t be long until we get the inevitable news:

Myspace will be shutting down for good and Tom has finally defriended you.

Myspace was my introduction to social media, where friending anyone and everyone was all the rage, and data mining was just a twinkle in Mark Zuckerberg’s eye. It was my introduction to the digital version of my family, where several connections were made and will sorely miss. With all the data Myspace (allegedly) deleted, they also inadvertently took away photos that was put up by other family members that I can go back and look at these photos and pray and cry in silence. Some of the people are now deceased, and at least I had those photos to look back on and relish those glorious family moments. Contrary, for me to put the entire blame on Myspace would be ludicrous, since I couldn’t remember the password and the the email used to login is long gone. That’s my fault, and something that I have no choice but to live with for the rest of my days. My photographic memory is slim to none.

Additionally, I, too, have used Myspace as an online journal, where it housed years worth of rantings and ravings of the day. Unfortunately, I don’t believe there is a way to recover them, but they were really, really sarcastic in nature because my target audience at that time were made up of friends and family. I even made up a chart that spoke what kind of person you were based on the amount of “friends” you had on Myspace. For example, “if you had over 1,000 friends — you’re obviously an attention whore.” (2003, and nice to know that still rings true to this day)

I recently perused an external hard drive that contained some doozies from my old Myspace page. I had quite the imaginative welcome page aside from the infamous “friends only” image:


I have, like, 500,000 friends. I don’t even know who most of them are. They’re probably of the pimp variety. I can proudly admit, however, that even though I have a lot of friends, not one has succumb me to be their spam bitch.

In order to be added onto my friend’s list, please review the following criteria:

If I know you from somewhere, send a message and leave your name, address, date of birth, social security and credit card information. This information is necessary to conduct a thorough background check. You need a credit score of 1000 or higher. Yes, you must have gold-plated credit and excellent credit history. I also conduct drug testing, but willing to make ciga-weeds an exception. Some experience preferred. Moving violations are okay. After all, nobody is perfect. You also must type 300 wpm. You must be a lover of sarcasm, and have a loathing for Windows Vista.And yes…my 100,000,000 pals all meet these credentials.

I don’t really think I’m asking for a lot. If you think I do, then you are a pussy, and may God have mercy on your soul.On the contrary, if you are a total stranger…admire my beautiful profile and buzz off. You will NOT be added. I probably don’t even like you. I also would like to make a strong recommendation that you do not message me at random so that when I click on your profile, it’s restricted for public viewing. *To that I suggest that you find a knife and run into it. When you do, do it slowly so the pain lasts longer.* That last tip was brought to you by the letter F, for Fuck off. 

Good times.

So, while we wait for the inevitable announcement of the departure of Myspace, I want to use this post to thank them for introducing me to social media, CSS, glitter text, and allowing me to find my online “voice.” And of course my utmost gratitude goes to Tom, who never gave up on me and had some respect my privacy.

Now, it’s Facebook’s turn, where my commemorative post will take on a more celebratory tone.

Say hello

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s