The Embarrassing Fanfare And the Promotion of the Baby Penis

I used to be a huge fan of the Ellen Degeneres Show, but I can no longer tolerate her overly exaggerated fanfare that is her audience. Whether these are folks who genuinely purchased tickets or they’ve been pre-selected by the celebrity’s close connections and PR firms, (it’s the latter by the way) it’s evident they are coached to react a certain way. I’ve always preached one should be grateful for even the littlest gifts, but at some point you have to wonder the thought process behind receiving such gifts. For example, say you received a package of socks as a Christmas gift. You wouldn’t exactly jump up and down like a raving fucking lunatic, cry from happiness, alarming others that you might be in need of a defibrillator just to bring you back from a state of steroid level ebullience. No….you’d be all “thanks?” and go on your merry way to the next gift, while hoping……oh so gloriously hoping…..that it’s the new iPhone.

The next gift is not an iPhone, but a $650 gift card for a…….

…..Korean baby penis facial.

That was no typo. This facial, apparently, is a thing, and it’s the latest hype with salespeople like Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett leading the charge.

Let’s say you receive such a gift. Now imagine your facial expression. Now peruse the gazillion questions running through your mind about what this gift might entail. I am lead to believe this process would not involve the jubilant paroxysms that is displayed on shows like Ellen. I’ve always said that Hollywood is not in the business to be a part of the real world (unless it’s scripted that way) and Ellen’s fake audience and their overly exaggerated jubilance proves just that.

I heard about this latest facial scam from a podcast that I love dearly (The Garry Meier Show, and no, I’m not getting paid for this endorsement. I just LIKE IT). Granted, I have not seen the episode of Ellen they were referencing. Apparently, when Sandra Bullock finished her penis baby facial sales pitch, Ellen miraculously had gift cards (retail value: $650) for the facial for everyone in her audience. In the real world, the recipient would be stuck in a state of utter confusion. On Ellen’s show, there were no confused looks anywhere to be found in the crowd. No questions. No one was scratching their heads. No face palming. These gift cards were received in the same, overjoyed and exaggerated manner, with soccer moms jumping up and down like they’re trying to get rid of pubic hair lice or an uncomfortable tampon.

I stopped watching Ellen years ago because of her fabricated audience. The repetitive and predictive patterns of her audience was too much for me to fathom in a serious manner. For the record, I have been to TV tapings before, where the emcee instructs the audience when to clap, when to react, etc., but that was many years ago, before the Hollywood industry was kept to the confines of 10 to 20 channels, and subscribing to cable was an option. Now, this level of fabrication is everywhere, and celebrities have no shame in making money off the naivety of real people.

One might argue, hey, they’re bringing JOY to people’s homes, what is your problem?

My answer: do you really need to immerse yourself in the world of Hollywood to receive such joy?

At least the joy you experience at home is not exaggerated and fabricated in any way. It’s authentic joy. Joy that is organic. Joy that hasn’t been manipulated. That’s the joy people should focus on.

Besides, there’s plenty of television where you know it’s scripted, but gives you the warm fuzzies all the while. If it can make me laugh, laughter is a part of joy. That’s good TV.

This Ellen Show no longer makes me laugh. I just cannot get past her idiotic audience. And other shows like hers, were all children of the Oprah main directory, where they script the fairy tale and coach the pre-selected audience accordingly. I don’t like Oprah either for the same reason. In the beginning, these shows brought joy for a limited time. After awhile, I started witnessing the same pattern over and over again with their audiences, where they all follow the same format of fabricated excitement. It’s deceitful, and falls under the category of deceptive marketing, but clever pr strategies. After all…..


Only Sandra Bullock and her salespeople (Hollywood) and Ellen’s audience.

By the way, I refuse to do Hollywood any more favors by writing in detail what is involved in a baby penis facial. If you’re that curious, go research it yourself. Then seek mercy from God for doing so.

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