The Keyboard Cat Resurgence

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An essay about humanity today based on my observations. Warning: some discussion about God. Atheists are welcome to stick around. Heh.

I have fantasized there would be a momentary break of solitude now that we have passed the voting camaraderie. Alas, the need for tolerance and civility in America remains stagnant. Humans are still exhibiting excessive paroxysms over the questionable election of 2016 all across the Internet, proclaiming “we won’t quit until the monster is out of office!” Yes. We know. This has become a tiresome catchphrase that has long surpassed its time in the spotlight.

I therefore hypothesized that people feel better posting anti-Trump memes on social media. I decided to pursue the following experiment:

One night I was driving my car in an unfamiliar neighborhood. At the time, I had no GPS or any other mapping instrument as guidance. The streets were dimly lit so I couldn’t see the pavement that well (yes, I was quite sober). Eventually, I discovered I was lost and ran over a huge pothole. I stopped the car and pulled over, and noticed I was missing a hubcap. I returned to the general vicinity of the lost hubcap in the hopes of recovering it, but it was nowhere to be found. I did, however, find the bastard pothole that defiled my car. I stood there, stared at it with the mightiest death force I could muster. When my stare of doom didn’t work, I screamed at the pothole for several minutes, “You fucking pathological lying misogynist! You xenophobic piece o’ shit pothole! How fucking dare you ruin my fucking car, you asshole of a pothole!!!”

Pothole: ……………..

After my charade, I received not a mere response from the pothole. My hubcap was never found, and got laryngitis for……nothing.

My experiment failed, and therefore concluded that people who channel their anger the wrong way serve no purpose.

So, humanity is still in a rut, and the callow jargon still aplenty on social media. What little we read in the newsfeed is a foreshadow of what is to come in for the future. I shall remain a skeptic for the rest of my days. Should there be another Obama superhero (like Oprah? GAG) win top prize in 2020, I suspect the masses will become “besties” and everything will be beautiful and keyboard cats will once again reign the internet. The original keyboard cat has gone to Rainbow Bridge, but there could be loads of other felines waiting to be discovered. Unfortunately, with so much colossal online petulance spewed by Celebribots, politicians, and the regular joe schmoe’s, the keyboard cats are looking up with their feline/puppy dog eyes to say, meowa ’bout us?” Spit! Hissssss.

Contrary, I’m not confident about the keyboard kitty resurgence. Can I really trust society to put the keyboard cats back in the spotlight, or will they be overshadowed by the Chelsea Handler celebribots who continue to spread “paid for in advance” rhetoric to fulfill contractual obligations? I may be wrong with these assumptions, but the Twitter would be bastardized and fail the way MySpace did if all celebribots would suddenly disappear. That wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Cue the Obama superhero in 2020. I envision the people will be raising American flags, dancing and partying until the wee hours of the morning, hashtags like #weloveyouAmerica, #dingdongthekongisgone, and #WeStandUnited, among others, will be prevailing trending topics for months to come. But there will still be a large percentage of folks who will have the leftover bitterness, like the hangover that never ends, who will choose to be awfully skeptical of strangers, and who will raise their kids with a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to political affiliations, and its sub-topics that propagated in the midst of the Trump era. These humans will raise their children to believe that no one deserves a second chance; there is no such thing as two sides to every story; there’s no such thing as due process; that everything fed to you on cable news channels is considered real journalism as opposed to entertainment. The facade that was created and perpetuated by social media will transcend for the next ten or more generations, at least. Indeed, I would love nothing more than to be proven wrong with my vision, but society leaves me to no sense of optimism for the future. That’s where I turn to God. Oh wait…..

Society is being spoon fed with the idea that God is not real, because God would not allow for so much mass hysteria and shootings. It’s a rhetoric that concerns me most. Politicians frown upon the idea of thoughts and prayers (only after public outcry of thoughts and prayers being not enough) and the sheeplike mentality comes out in flocks. Unfortunately, we do not have proper representation, so I can understand why society feels dissipated in a spiritual sense. There’s a porporri of damnations. After all, you have the Pope, the Catholic religion, and its highly strict organizational culture; there’s televangelists who hide behind the the word of God but their primary goal is to profit while instilling the fear of God in you; there’s Judaism, where we don’t even have a heaven; Buddhism believes in reincarnation, so if you’ve been a hypocrite all your life, you’ll return as a dung beetle in your next life. It’s discouraging to find any solace in the concept of a powerful deity with so many mixed messages. Even I struggle: why can’t I practice the Catholic faith since Jesus was Jewish? I therefore decided fuck it; I’ll do what I want so as long as I talk to the man on occasion.

(I don’t really know about the dung beetle bit. But wow, wouldn’t that be hilarious if true! 😄😄😄 Do you really want to take that chance of turning into a dung beetle? Don’t be a hypocrite the rest of your days, and you won’t come back as a dung beetle. Problem solved.)

While the diversity of religions is fascinating just on the teachings alone, we seem to be getting lost in the hyper-structure, and we are not being comforted in the manner that is easily understood. No one said life was going to be easy; that if all there was to life was keyboard cat joviality, there would be no balance. Before anyone gets in an unwarranted hissy fit, allow me to clarify that I do not condone mass violence in any form. But we need a proper representative to speak up, one who will say, “yes, God is an asshole. But he has his reasons to throw the universe off kilter. His children are acting like a bunch of lunatics, and are DEvolving. He didn’t create Adam and Eve just so they can go back to being chimps. Get your shit together, children of God, or He will find other ways to get your attention. Engaging in kindness and empathy would be a good start.”

God is no fucking genie; he’s not in the business to grant wishes. He is loving and compassionate. Not a genie. The more people realize this, the more they will understand the way God works. As legend goes, He created the universe, and created humans. What happens after that is our responsibility. You can choose to let political petulance run your life, or you can strive to be better and improve humanity. God exists (in any form most relatable to you) for comfort and guidance, but not to grant wishes. Humans are consistently hounded with the organized version of God, it’s no wonder the masses have lost their way. One thing is for certain: the more atheists, the more the world is turning to shit. Coincidence? Hardly. You’ve been blessed with good fortune? That’s because God decided it was time. Afflicted with cancer? It’s a test. It’s a cruel and shitty test, but it’s a test of strength; you serve as an inspiration to others, a role model, a superhero. Poverty? Well, it’s our job as humans to step up and help our fellow man. Again, I stress: God is an asshole, but sometimes it requires some asshole maneuvers in the universe to get the attention of humans. Are you “woke?” If yes, God just brushed off his hands and said “my job here is done.”

Ask yourself: If there were no catastrophes of any kind, then what is our purpose?

Will we ever see another emergence of a keyboard cat phenomenon to outshine the internet (RIP Bento)? Or will we continue to let muck and cacophony to ruin it for the ones looking for fun and humorous ways to halt our bleak and mundane hours throughout the day?Additionally, my hope for the future contains tolerance for all backgrounds: race, gender, and yes, even political affiliations. And don’t give in to the celebribots. You can do it!

Image taken from, memorial for Bento.

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