Skip the BS: The Office Holiday Party

Nothing grosses me out more than coming across photos of company holiday parties. Just.gross.

From the holiday sweaters, the dumb reindeer antlers, and the idiotic duck faces (made by people over the age of 21). Many of the folks hold their drinks of choice in their hands, with fictitious grins that cascade across sweaty faces and are about to be swallowed up by their atrocious holiday pre-lit attire. No, I will not call 911….. you chose to wear that dumb shit on your own.

Many will argue the purpose of these company parties is to spread the holiday sentiment amongst co-workers. You’ll soon learn by the time we enter the New Year, all those holiday sentiments and cheery facades will disappear the moment you rub a co-worker the wrong way (literally AND figuratively).

Consider the fact we already spend more time with co-workers than family. Nothing and no one will have your back as much as family. The downtime granted to us ought to spent wisely. For those of you with children, you already know where I’m going with this. If not, here’s a hint: they’re five when you leave for the office party. By the time you come back, they’ll be raging teenagers.

Don’t like being at home? Then that’s on you. MAKE IT WORK. Spend the downtime with your family or take up knitting. Leave the fakers at the bar stumbling over their asinine “festive” apparel.

For those with 8-hour days, five day a week office jobs, that is all the time that is required. Anything beyond that is outright intrusive. Don’t you dare give in to any mind tricks by management/co-workers, such as: aww, you’re not going?

NO! I’m not going. I prefer to spend it with family.

You’re gonna miss all the fun!

I seriously doubt that.

You’re gonna miss Doug in his homemade Santa sweater with blinky lights!

But I’m sure I’ll see pics on Facebook, no worries there.

But we hardly ever see Doug because he is out on the field most of the time!

I see Doug more than my kids. Doug is not and will never be missed.

The bottom line: It is imperative to set boundaries. You stay in your world and I’ll stay (happily) in mine. Keep your fake ass smile away from me. Keep your nasty, pre-lit, raggedy ass Christmas sweater and headband antlers to your damn self. Charity begins at home, and that’s where I intend to keep it.

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