Must I Teach The Internet Everything?!

“Learning is not attained by chance, it must be sought for with ardor and diligence.”

~ Abigail Adams

This will become yet another one of those persnickety posts of grammar anomalies. As long as humans are unable to distinguish “your” and “you’re,” I will continue my discernment by astronomical degrees. As noted in my opening page, on occasion I will write about shit that irks me. This definitely irks me. Here, I bestow my righteous neutralization in the form of prose to let you know: PLEASE STOP BEING STUPID.

For shame. The confusion of “your” and “you’re” in itself (from people OVER 40 years of age, no less) is enough to make a middle school teacher quit his/er job and wallow over the collective works of Classic Literature. Clearly, the invective red inks of the past didn’t do enough to whip you into grammar shape. The continued vexation and silly arguments on social media is notably present, and not without blinding and careless follies.

One day, I’ve taken the initiative to go outside my jovial domain to ask the public why their carelessness ought to be excused. Their response, to paraphrase:

“This is Facebook. Not a business letter. Good grammar doesn’t matter!”

And yes, there was indeed an exclamation point. She was yelling. I was only asking a question. It was almost as if I struck a nerve.

A largely populated Facebook page goes by the premise of advocating definitive grammar protocol. It’s a resourceful tool if one is interested in the basic rules of punctuation. Or so I thought. They were the heroes of my daily life, until I stumbled upon numerous posts that pertain to the job search. Many of these posts contain the word  “resume” as part of the title. For awhile, I would correct them, but no response was ever generated. One day, someone did fancy a semi-intelligent retort, to paraphrase:

“The English language have evolved over centuries and will continue to evolve in the age of the internet. The accent mark will eventually become extinct with the digital age.”  

Fair enough. It’s a poor argument, but at least it was a response, and a cohesive one, at that. That’s too bad, because that’s not really what happened. What really happened:

The accent mark is difficult to find on a computer keyboard, e.g. QWERTY, in an instant. Smartphones and tablets came along and society became more enamored with emojis than accent marks. As a result, one day someone decided to type “resume” to indicate job history while hoping the recipient knew what they meant. From there, it got relentlessly out of control. But no one wants to admit this, because it denotes dumbfounded and deliberate inaccuracies on their part. Welcome to the “Not me” Club.

(And the Wiki page has it wrong. WAY WRONG. Yes, I just “yelled.” It claims “résumé” has an alternative spelling. It does not. Thanks to the internet, everyone can make up their own rules and embed the wrong information. I was on my way to correcting it, but I do not have a Wiki account.)

A persuasive argument can work to your advantage if it’s tersely executed. Even something as simple as “your” and “you’re” can nullify its intended message if you can’t be bothered to proofread. This is pertinent in a public forum, because it matters. YOU’RE damn right it matters. How you present yourself in the digital form is very telling how you react in the real world, yet the internet seems to be the ideal place for shunning grammar discipline. Not cool.

To conclude: This post may have glaring grammar errors, but I know the difference between “your” v “you’re.” That’s good enough for me, as I can pursue world domination with this little bit of wisdom.

Are you smarter than you appear? If your response is, “Your dumb,” to that, I say, “My dumb what?”



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